Dan Bingham Comedy| Stand-up Comedian, Humour Writer, Actor

Watch my interview with Mutsumi Takahashi

Dan — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 16:00:03 +0000

I had the pleasure of sitting and chatting with Montreal news anchor and media icon Mutsumi Takahashi. In less than 4 minutes I think we broke a few TV rules together, check it out here!

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Watch my CTV COMEDY NOW special here! This was filmed in a Masonic Temple in Toronto back...
Interview with NIGHTLIFE.CA Written by Isadora Melluzzoli Local comedian Dan Bingham unveils his...

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Watch my CTV COMEDY NOW special here!

Dan — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 15:48:37 +0000

This was filmed in a Masonic Temple in Toronto back in October, where I performed over 50 minutes of material. It has been edited down to 21 minutes here. Rachel McAdams was sitting in the third row that night, you might not be able to recognize the back of her head, but if you pay close attention you might be able to see her reflection in my eyes. Enjoy!

http://www.thecomedynetwork.ca/Shows/ComedyNow

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Comedy Now puts Eman, Dan Bingham & Mike Paterson in TV Spotlight MONTREAL - The buzz around the Montreal comedy scene –...
Adopt This! Wins Best Comedy Award My greatest fears have come true: When you quit drinking...

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Captain Binghab vs. Moby Dick

Dan — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 17:26:41 +0000

I started reading Moby Dick for the first time. Now I know that most comedians talk about sex, drugs, the funny accents their parents have. Not me. I’m here to talk about a 19th century book about whales. I deal with the issues people. Issues that get swept under the rug. Well I think it’s time to throw back that rug and show the world just how dusty things can get under there. You ever slap a throw rug in a sunbeam? It’s disgusting.

I had made a New Year’s resolution to read more classic books. And by New Year’s resolution I mean they are free to download on my Kindle.

I had also made a New Year’s resolution to stop writing dick jokes. But going cold turkey was proving to be a little too tough, so I figured I’d write some Moby Dick jokes to help me ease into my new lifestyle.

It’s kind of like a nicotine patch for smokers: they’re not quite dick jokes, but they’ve got some dick in them.

But eventually one patch is never enough. Pretty soon I’ll be telling jokes about Dick Clark, Dick Tracy, Dick Van Dyke (which coincidentally will also be helping me kick my lesbian joke addiction.)

Then finally I’ll be like the sneaky smoker, getting away with my nasty habit by hiding the dicks in words like dictionary; dictator; and Jane’s Addiction.

You’re probably saying to yourself “Dan you’re being ridiculous.” To which I say “Well played. That was an awesome place to hide a dick!”

Anyhow back to the book.

I had never read Moby Dick as a kid, they never make us read it at my high school, but I know the general premise. It’s the story of a whale who’s being chased, so he becomes friends with a little boy, who in turn helps him jump over a giant wall of rocks to freedom. Right?

In any case I’m about half way through at this point and I gotta tells ya, I can’t fucking stand it. It has got to be one of the most boring books I’ve ever read. I’m at chapter 47, and they’re not even on the goddamn boat yet. And the book only has 48 chapters!

I think Moby Dick needs to be updated. Redesigned and revamped for today’s modern, sophisticated, zero attention span society. For example, I would cut through all the boring parts and get right to the good stuff. The original opens with the words “Call me Ishmael.” I would change them to “Holy shit it’s Moby Dick! Somebody call Ishmael!”

The book was written in the mid eighteen hundreds, WAY before things like scuba diving, underwater photography, or David Attenborough was invented. So there’s a chapter which describes, encyclopedia style, every type of whale in existence. From humpbacks all the way down to dolphins. Another chapter describes famous paintings of whales.

Have you ever read descriptions of painting? Up until that point I thought “bored to death” was just an expression. I didn’t know you could actually become so bored that your heart stops beating.

You put me face to face with the most famous painting in the world, and I’ll stand there for about 30 seconds, one minute tops. You put me face to face with an actual whale, and after about 5 minutes I’ll be checking my Twitter account. But I was dragged through 20 pages of whale painting descriptions, and right when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, right when the razor blades were approaching my wrists, the chapter ended. Thank the sweet lord. I turned the page and moved on to the next chapter, which I shit you not, was DEDICATED ENTIRELY TO THE COLOR WHITE!!! AAAAARRRGGGGHHH!

And I swear if one person reads this and comments “Actually white is the absence of color douche bag.” I will find you and I will harpoon you.

In my modern version of Moby Dick, half the book will be replaced with Planet Earth DVDs.

I hate Moby Dick the book about as much as Captain Ahab hates Moby Dick the whale. And for some reason I’m just as determined to finish reading it as he was to kill it. I’m obsessed. That fucking whale is all I can think about. I won’t rest until the book is done. I even lost the use of my right leg. My cat fell asleep on my lap while I was reading the book, causing my leg to go numb. The feeling came back but still. Come hell or high water I will read it on the plane; on the train; in coffee shops; at bus stops…I’ll read it around the world if I have to. I will finish Moby Dick if it kills me and everyone I know. From the heart of hell I will read thee. I will turnest thine pages until thou art finished, and then I will throw thee into the toilet.

Some Moby Dick Trivia

Did you know that Starbucks named its franchise after the Pequod’s chief mate Starbuck?

Did you know that Moby Dick was based on a real whale? It was a white whale, famous for attacking boats and it was captured in the South Pacific off the coast of Mocha Island, near Chili. Care to take a gander at what it’s name was?

Give up?

He was called Mocha Dick. A magazine article was written about him called Mocha Dick, or The White Whale of the Pacific, which would inspire Herman Melville to write his masterpiece.

Mocha Dick.

Sounds like something you would order at an X-rated Starbucks.

“Yes hi, I’d like a grande non-fat Mocha Dick please.”

“Would you like room for cream sir?”

Oh well. So much for not writing dick jokes.

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Comedy Now puts Eman, Dan Bingham & Mike Paterson in TV Spotlight

Dan — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 19:49:29 +0000

MONTREAL - The buzz around the Montreal comedy scene – anglo division – has apparently spread all the way down the 401. Three – count ’em – Montreal wits have been selected to each let loose for half-hour shows on Comedy Now!, to be broadcast both on the Comedy Network and CTV.

Read full article here

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Baby Bingham makes an appearance in the Montreal Mirror Dan Bingham is on his way to a career in...
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4 Reasons Not to Watch Spy Kids 4

Dan — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 23:38:54 +0000

This was a big year for superhero films. We had Thor, Captain America, X-Men: First Class. But I think when people look back on 2011 they will remember this as the year Spy Kids 4 came out. When I first saw the preview for it in theaters I felt the same way I felt when Justin Bieber announced the release of his autobiography: “Finally!” Lord knows I haven’t slept a wink since the chilling conclusion of Spy Kids 3. Sylvester Stallone, the star of the film Cliffhanger also starred in Spy Kids 3, which is easily the greatest cliffhanger of all time. Coincidence? I think not.

Now, Spy Kids 3 was in 3D, which means I wasn’t “legally” allowed to watch it. According to the conditions of my parole there needs to be at least 30 feet between me and a Spy Kid. If I sit in the back row of the theater I’m fine. But once I put on those 3D glasses Spy Kids are all up in my grill, my parole officer finds out and I go back to prison.

But that’s another story.

So when the producers were coming up with concepts for Spy Kids 4 they were racking their brains:

BIG BOSS: “How can we get people to enjoy the Spy Kids experience more than they did in 3D?”

BIGSBY: “Impossible!”

PHILLIPS: “Write a decent script?”

BOSS: “You’re fired.”

MARKSWORTH: “Be like James Cameron or Peter Jackson, inventing new and innovative film technology to enhance the viewer’s cinematic experience?”

BOSS: “You are also fired.”

JOHNSON: “ummm…scratch ‘n’ sniff?”

BOSS: “Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.”

Yes folks, not only will you be able to see and hear the new Spy Kids movie, but you’ll also be able to SMELL the movie. Again, finally! Haven’t you always wondered what movies smell like? I remember when I watched Lord of the Rings, as amazing as it was with all its realistic creatures and characters, the beautiful costumes and detailed landscapes, the revolutionary special effects, the epic soundtrack, the perfect casting followed by the incredible acting, the 30 Academy Award nominations and the subsequent 17 wins, despite all that I couldn’t help feel that something was missing. It was the smell. I realize now that I couldn’t be fully transported to Middle Earth because I couldn’t SMELL Middle Earth.

Until we can smell the Balrog, this shall not pass as a Balrog

They’re calling it Spy Kids 4: Now in 4D. They’ll be giving out AROMA-SCOPE cards as you walk into the movie theater. Right, cause you don’t already have enough crap walking into a movie. You’ve got your popcorn in one hand, drink in the other, you’ve got napkins sticking out of your pockets, the movie ticket in your mouth, 3D glasses on your head…

“Um, you can go ahead and put that card in between my butt cheeks. Actually on second thought, I wouldn’t want to cross contaminate the aromas on the Aroma-Scope card. Just roll it up like a dollar bill and shove it up my nose. Let the smelling begin!”

When is this going to end? What will happen when movies start playing in 5D and 6D?

“Okay, here’s your 3D glasses and you’re aroma-scope card. Don’t forget your Lick-a-Stick, your Toe-Tickling Feather Slippers, your Audio-Activated Nipples Twisters, and of course, your cinematic butt plug. Whatever you do, don’t mis up the scratch ‘n sniff card with the butt plug.”

What’s even more hilarious is that adding smell to a movie isn’t even a new idea. It was actually invented back in 1960 by Hans Laube for the film Scent of a Mystery, whereby smells would be released into the movie theater via vents underneath the viewer’s seats. Only back then it was called Smell-O-Vision.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlD6ST_BrG4

Like I said, they’re calling it 4D, which makes me wonder: since when is the 4th dimension smell? I never remember learning about the smell of a cube. Length, height, depth and smell.

Some would argue that time is the forth dimension. I guess the fact that this film most certainly wastes it, you can still go ahead and call it 4D.

But if the executive producers really want to give viewers an authentic Spy Kids movie experience, every single time you scratch ‘n’ sniff the Aroma-Scope card, it smells like crap.

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Adopt This! Wins Best Comedy Award

Dan — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 05:38:31 +0000

My greatest fears have come true: When you quit drinking booze for six months, you will acquire super powers.

On January first of this year (I spilled coffee on my laptop keyboard and can no longer type the number one or exclamation points) I landed in Los Angeles California. Here I would spend the next 30 days living with Barry, my biological father and his girlfriend April. I took the month off work and jumped on a plane because I needed to figure out what the next chapter of my life would be. I had been writing articles for a web marketing company for 3 years at this point, and the 40-hour a week creative brain drain was seriously hindering any process in my comedy career. My head was too tired to come up with decent material, and my bills were too paid for me to go out and work harder. Things had to change.

And holy shit did they ever.

While in LA I decided to take the month off drinking. By day 9 I swear I heard my liver whisper “thank you.” At first it was one of those “I got way too hammered over the holidays, I just want to give the body a one month detox” type of things. But by week 2 something strange started to happen. I started to feel amazing.

Since I was no longer cramming endless booze into my face I was waking up early every morning, and I started to develop a pretty sweet daily routine consisting of learning to play guitar, writing, exercising and trying to tan my pasty Canadian body. But most importantly, I started to write Adopt This.

Every morning I would go down to my new favorite coffee shops called Gary’s and I would force myself to write for at least 2-3 hours. This may not sound like a lot, but when you’re in sunny Southern California and you’re on vacation, it feels like an eternity.

Gary’s: Where it all started

By the end of the month I had reached a new decision. If Adopt This was going to get the chance it deserved, telling the story properly would require my full capacities. After one month without alcohol I felt so amazing physically and mentally that I figured hey, why not give up drinking between now and the first show in June. Six months with a clear head and all my wits and energies about me, what’s the worst that could happen?

Well, I’ll tell you what happened.

I not only lost fourteen lbs, saved hundreds upon hundreds of dollars, learned how to play 5 songs on the guitar (from not knowing how to play the guitar at all), gained a super positive outlook on life and the brightness of the future, but I finished writing, rehearsing and promoting Adopt This on time for the opening night at the Montreal Fringe Fest.

By closing night I had performed to nearly 6 sell out audiences; picked up a 5-star review in the Charlevoix Post; stood awkwardly and overwhelmed in front of full house standing ovations; received nominations for the Chapter’s Best Script Award, the Centaur Theater Best English Production Award, and the Just for Laughs Best English Comedy Award. And during my last show, Barry, who had flown in from LA, not only got to participate in the final standing ovation, but he was at the award ceremony when I won the JFL Best Comedy Award. Oh, and did I mention it was father’s day?

Barry @ Gary’s: First night I tried any adoption stuff in front of an audience

It feels a little weird to receive an award when there are people without whom you could have never delivered the final product. A little weird, but mostly amazing.

So that’s six months without drinking. Let’s see what going another six can do.

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The Charlebois Post Gives Adopt This! 5 Stars

Dan — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 03:59:31 +0000

Adopt This! is the hilarious and heartfelt account of Dan Bingham’s dysfunctional life. Adopted as a baby by a couple who divorced 18 months later, Dan had to face obstacles such as a strict Catholic mother, her abusive overweight boyfriend, a pathological liar father and lots of teenage mischief. Later, he meets his biologic mother and her family, a gang of hard-drinking, hard-partying Scotsmen. Read full review here.

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Adopt This! Wins Best Comedy Award My greatest fears have come true: When you quit drinking...

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Review in Montreal Mirror

Dan — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 03:51:59 +0000

As you must do to make great work, comedian Dan Bingham risked a lot in his autobiographical show Adopt This! And it’s lovely to be able to say it paid off huge. Bingham’s “meta-stand-up” looks at the man behind the microphone and the one-liner, taking us into the funnyman’s less-than-funny childhood spent with adoptive parents, and his eventual meet-up with his birth mom and family.

Growing up as an adopted kid, says Bingham, made him feel like a different species, with anyone a potential relative: “Dear God, please don’t let this toothless prostitute be my mother!” It’s funny, as you’d expect, but between laughs there’s a lot of vulnerability. More than that, it’s a polished, well-acted story.

Read full article here.

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Baby Bingham makes an appearance in the Montreal Mirror Dan Bingham is on his way to a career in...
Review from the Rover Dan Bingham delivered a powerful, side-splitting script. Given the subject...

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Review from the Rover

Dan — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 04:16:49 +0000

Dan Bingham delivered a powerful, side-splitting script. Given the subject matter and the autobiographical nature of the piece, I sometimes felt weird laughing at what he was saying. But as Carol Burnett famously said, “Comedy is Tragedy plus time.” Dan told a great story, albeit a sad one, immersing the audience in the story of his upbringing. Read full review here.

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Review in Montreal Mirror As you must do to make great work, comedian Dan...
Baby Bingham makes an appearance in the Montreal Mirror Dan Bingham is on his way to a career in...

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Baby Bingham makes an appearance in the Montreal Mirror

Dan — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 19:56:17 +0000

Dan Bingham is on his way to a career in stand-up—he’s just really funny, sharp and destined for better things. Adopt This! is Bingham’s tragi-comic (mostly comic) story of growing up as an adopted child in Pierrefonds and what happened when he met his unruly Scottish family, The Biologicals. See full Montreal Mirror post here.

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